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How to Negotiate Without the Scare Factor

She has the quietest voice out of all your friends, but every head turns in her direction. She asks, “Did you negotiate?”

At this point, dear reader, you have a choice.

You can tell everyone that you didn’t because it would have made things awkward and you were afraid of offending the other person. Or you can regale your A-player friend with the story of how you followed the four steps below to achieve the outcome you wanted.

1. Change Your Mindset

The single biggest hurdle you will face in your negotiations? Not getting started at all.

People tend to avoid negotiating for one reason: fear. They’re afraid of being rude, offending the other person, causing an adversarial or stressful situation, or losing the deal altogether.

To change your mindset, watch the video below from Stanford’s Graduate School of Business on negotiation. The single biggest takeaway? Negotiation is not adversarial, it’s problem solving. If you approach every negotiation with an open mind and have confidence that you can partner with the other person to achieve a good deal, then you can overcome this mental hurdle. A good negotiator perfectly blends being courteous, matter-of-fact, and firm.

2. Do Your Homework

Prepare thoroughly to justify everything you’re asking for, especially when you’re speaking to a more experienced negotiator. Let’s take a few easy examples:

If you receive a job offer (congratulations!), you need to be well-versed in the industry range for your title and relevant experience. This way, you can negotiate your compensation based upon the job you’re being asked to perform.

If you’re buying a house, car, or other major purchase, curiosity will help uncover potentially advantageous information. Two minutes of pleasant small talk may reveal that the seller was permanently moving out of the country.

3. Negotiate at the Right Time

When possible, negotiate over email. But whether you negotiate in person or over email, don’t underestimate the power of silence.

4. Do It in One Batch

It’s important to ask for everything at once, not piece by piece. Asking for things piece by piece drags out the negotiation unnecessarily and can be a nuisance. Remember, mutual respect is vital in a successful negotiation.

Negotiating is like problem solving, and you need to problem solve using your influence, not your force. Be positive, grateful for the opportunity to engage in conversation, and stick to the facts. Avoid “I feel,” “I deserve,” and other such emotional phrases.

If the other side comes back and you’re happy with their counter offer, then accept it! You’re trying to have a mature, productive conversation and achieve a good deal, not negotiate for negotiating’s sake. Graciously thank the other party for the conversation and move on.

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